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There. I Said It.

So this is a post that I’ve been wanting to write for a long time.  It’s one that I’ve been embarrassed to write but what the hell,  I share everything else about my life so why should this be any different?

I lost a 100 lbs.  Big deal? Yeah, I guess.  I’m healthier now and that’s what I was going for.  But I had kind of hoped that over the course of this that I would eventually feel 100% better about myself too.  I’ve changed in many ways and in general do have a lot more self confidence.  But:

Black Dress Pants are my BFF.

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I own 4 pairs of black dress pants and rotate them all week.
   I feel utterly disgusting in anything else.  I lost weight evenly in all areas except particular place.    I have a huge flap of loose skin that hangs down over my lower belly.   I have resorted to referring to it as my “pouch.”  In light colored pants it’s VERY obvious. Shorter skirts look ridiculous on me. And jeans, lets not even go there.  :(

I’m conscious of it all the time and even though I’m smaller I still feel huge and awkward.   I still hate shopping for clothes and still hate having to look at it in the mirror every morning.  I will battle with myself trying on several outfits each morning attempting to hide it.  I feel like it’s the first thing people notice about me.

And yes, it really puts a damper on intimacy as well. 

Before anyone suggestions Spanx, I’ve tried them (and other high quality garments of the same type.) but there is still always an outline of my excess skin.  And no amount of exercise will fix this either. I literally did this to myself but abusing my body with food for so many years. 

In some ways I feel like this is one of the various mental road blocks that is preventing me from getting to goal.  I have this little voice that is constantly saying “You lost all this weight but look at at your body, your hard work doesn’t show at all.  Why bother with the rest?”

There is no question about whether or not I will have surgery to remove the excess skin.   If I have to, I will borrow money to have the procedure.  The problem is that I want to wait until I’ve reached my goal to do it.  It only makes sense to wait.

And that is SO frustrating.

I cannot wait for the day when I can burn all my black dress pants and feel 100000%good about my body. 

Anyone else have a similar issue?  How do you cope?

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